I fucking miss him.

Wish you were here, or I was there.
I don't care where, it could be anywhere.
If I was with you, and you with me,
Oh how wonderful, how wonderful that would be.

Untitled

She hangs her head in her hands
as he sits down beside her.
Speechless they are,
though their thoughts couldn't be louder.

Going over and over their unsound situation.
But not a word could be said as they sit in his bed
Where they got carried away and created this mess.

How one little kiss that led to the rest
could ruin their lives in a minute or less.

She puts her head in his hands and he strokes her brown hair,
we'll figure this out, no reason to doubt,
we're in this together, I'll be here forever.

Three months pass by and she's starting to grow
a rose in her stomach that soon she will hold.

Questions are asked but still they stay silent.
No decisions were made and still he did stay.
Held her hand when it hurt,
from the thorns on the stem.
Put his ear to her heart and sang her a song.

It mimicked her beat and helped her to sleep,
as he watched his young lover escape from reality.
She dreamed of their future and a three story house,
two cars in the driveway, no flowers to water.
Jobs that they love and candlelight dinner.
Just two happy people embracing each other.

Next morning they wake and come to a conclusion.
Sit their loved ones down,
as they stare in great confusion.
Not the reaction they had expected,
Not the outcome they had invisioned.

On their own in the cold, with no where to go.
They don't go to school, and they haven't a penny.
They need nothing and no one but the love that they share.
As they wait for that day when it all becomes clear.

A beautiful rose born from two beautiful roots.

Stuck.

I used to be more creative, when there was constant drama in my life. Now that it's gone, I have nothing to write about. Don't get me wrong, I love being in love. But I find it difficult to write happy lovey dovey poems. They all sound like shit. I can't adequately put into words how I feel about my present love. I guess my creativeness thrives off of heartache and hatred, even with photography. I can't fake it. I haven't been able to write a decent poem since I fell into his arms. Since I took a leave of absence from school, I've just been drinking and doing boring things. I haven't picked up a pen to write a single thing down. Maybe because nothing has come to mind. My camera has been packed away. I have a least a dozen rolls of undeveloped film. I'm just stuck, I need a little push.

A word if you will.

I'm not too sure if anyone reads this stuff, but I'll say this one thing anyway.
Most of these poems were written a while ago, under different circumstances, when I had different feelings.
Although, I admit, at the time, the feelings were sincere. Just moving on. Fell in love and I'm quite content.

Miles Apart

i count the raindrops as they fall
one two three, beat beat beat
each breath i take, my heart beats faster
and the rains coming down harder than ever
looking up at the night sky, i see the same damn stars as you
miles between us and hours away
but you're my first thought, my first thought of each and every day

i count my heart beats and whisper your name
each morning i wake, spread my arm out to feel for you
but the cold sheets touch my fingertips
and it lets me know today will be as empty as yesterday


my brain moves faster than my lips can dare to move
carefully conveying each delicate syllable
but these words cant portray anything close to what i feel

heart's beating faster still and I'm shaking
I used to know my way out of here, but I'm lost.
my skin is bruised and my bones are breaking
My body is collapsing but it's yours for the taking

open your heart, let me in from the cold
put me back in your arms
give me your hand to hold

your hand clutches mine and it feels so nice
the world disappears and im right where im supposed to be
dancing with you under van goghs mulberry tree.
then suddenly you stop and tell me im dreaming,
the wind carries me away and you stand there staring.

we live in two seperate worlds now,
we stand in different geographies.
but the longing will always persist,
and your kiss is the only kiss i will forever miss.

A Secret Jar

Some summers are just better than others

Some summers you can’t get back

I remember you and the way we were;

what we had then are now all the things we lack.

So then where does that love go?

Does it float away and vanish into thin air?

Or is it kept locked up in a secret jar in a secret room somewhere?

Waiting for the right time to be opened.

Wait, weight

They mean the same to me.

Both so heavy a word.

But I contradict myself and go on waiting with this weight on my shoulders

Weighting for next summer.. Waiting for us.

Tell me, do you weight too?

or has the love I’ve longed for vanished like the air?

Tell me that can’t be true.

That you've seen in your dreams our bottled up love in that secret jar in that secret room

With our names written on tape that says in caps:

Don’t throw away;  perhaps they'll be back for this.

Uncovered

Oh the restless nights,
makes my body ache
Forever reminded of something I hate.

Oh the constant clenching
of my jaw and my fists.
The repetitive notion
that we'll never exist.

Though we may perhaps
in the imminent future

If the shoreline touches the horizon,
And the songs of the birds were truer.
Or the morning was dusk,
and the sunset, dawn.
And the deaths of our friendships were fewer.

But the future is far and my heart is near,
For the love that we have may soon disappear.

We may tell the world we are lovers.

If the elephants shrank
and the mice became giants.
And each man became rich
with every heart he desires.
Or the cities were suburbs,
and the countries were cubicles.

But the world doesn't care,
and the days pass by,
Each boy that I kiss,
every word from my lips,
All the affection I give,
Couldn't be more of a lie
if I tried.

I could cry I'm so shameless,
so careless and cold.
For they mean nothing to me and their stories are old.

Two souls,
Two hearts,
Two lovers uncovered.
This will be the day I no longer suffer.